Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
