ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I could make wine with my vomit
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
