I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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