literally had 100 drinks last night.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
