HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
