ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
