My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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