if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
