i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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