Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
