I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
