I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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