i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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