I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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