I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize