Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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