i wish my penis had a tongue
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
