I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
