my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
