I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize