hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
