either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
