Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize