I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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