And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
