the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
