I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
