she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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