how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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