Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
