i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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