YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
