I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
