glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
PS: I just woke up from my shower
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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