either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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