We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
