The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
