You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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