Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
