Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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