you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
