Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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