you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
