When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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