i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
