Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
