Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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