I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
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