Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
