I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
