Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
