My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
