well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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