i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
