If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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