420 ftw
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
