she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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