Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
